"I might not engage; I will simply no engage; I will simply no engage. No matter so what mean, cruel or hurtful things he says, does or accuses we're of, I will simply no engage. "
I can't tell you how many times that verse has well known my head, since he or she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder II, superimposed with Person of polish ancestry Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
I know what you're saying "sure, more comfortable said then done". I agree, it's not easy, but it is among the best coping skills I've developed when planning on taking air out of the recent air balloon (a/k/a the illness disorder) before it rises too high on the horizon. I understand that during the time he's pushing your supervises and being completely not rational, of course, you cannot defend yourself. You just have to tell him that what he's aphorism is wrong! You just have to tell him that you do not deserve what he's working at you! You just have to tell him the particular level it hurts when he tells these things! You just have to tell him he's being a snazzy jerk! But saying any of these things amid an episode will job nothing except to energy resources the propane tank that blasts that hot air into the balloon. Consider it and be honest with ourselves, without that blast, how far can the balloon hover?
Prior to finding out he was suffering from Bipolar disorder, and quite frequently I need to add, he would get extremely angry for seemingly ridiculous reasons and begin saying mean and terrible prior to buying me. Being the energy and efforts, independent woman that I am, I would fight back garden, defend myself or let him know how insane he was. The result: more pattern, crueler comments, more accusations and more volume until eventually amidst us would walk out or left over with doors slamming, tears flowing, and threats of cases of divorce or worse lingering in the air. I was always devastated as to what he said or just what exactly he said he wanted to do. Sometimes he'd leave for just about any hour or for the particular day. Either way he'd usually returning and act as whenever nothing ever happened. "Hey sweetie what's up" and "what's your problem" e didn't happily respond where you can his return. Did he overlook what he said? Did he overlook what he did?
As I came consider later the response is NO, or at least nothing of it. Through many hours of research, supported by my conversations with some other therapists and psychologists, I determined he or she probably only remembered about 25% or a reduced what was said or perhaps done.
That fact brings me to the middle reason why not to engage - you are not fighting with your partner - you would be fighting with the condition, you are fighting with bipolar disorder.
Yes it's frustrating, it's hectic it's demeaning. When you first begin this technique usually it takes practice and it might sound that your silence is infuriating him but more but stick with it because somewhere insidewithin all in the memory banks it are going to register that this demeanor serves no purpose, reaps no rewards and that you are no longer going to allow this disease to control you or your relationship.
I can honestly affirm we haven't had amidst "those" fights in an eternity. I'm not saying that there is no longer episodes or that people don't have disagreements but by using technique, and others, we've accepted the responsibility to either fight fair or emerge when we start heading at fault direction.
We are constantly adding tools to our arsenal of skills and methods to prevent the symptoms of bipolar from destroying individual relationship. In future articles I will share often the other successful coping means we use to take control of the affects of bipolar disorder on our relationship..